THE SIGN SAID AUTHENTIC
I read all the reviews. The one I liked best said, This is a great place to go if you are not going for the food. Another comment put it this way. The food was pretty good. The tacos are $18 for three. I found these truths to be self-evident.
We parked the car and headed for the entrance. It said Mexican Street Food across the front of the building. The sign led me to believe street food was on the menu.
The combination of happy hour AND Tuesday is diabolical. The everyday person walking around can not ignore it. Everybody knows Taco Tuesdays rule Southern California.
The sign boasting authenticity captivated me. We were hungry.
WE SHOWED UP UNANNOUNCED
The manager on duty welcomed us as we pushed through the door. He did not like that we did not have reservations. Excuse me? 5:15 pm on Tuesday? Do you need a rezzie? Who reserves a table for happy hour?
Can someone in Mexico City tell me? Are lobster tacos street food?
There were tables open in every corner of the restaurant. Three-fourths of the dining room was available for immediate seating. A couple was sitting at the bar and a small group or two out on the patio. The weather was windy, sunny, and 73 degrees. Locals say weather like this is why they live in California.
OUT OF SCOPING RANGE
The manager led us to our table. No party is close. We were not able to scope the next guy’s plate in case we had a sudden case of having what they were having. This was a huge disadvantage.
The waiter took the menu for a spin. His presentation amounted to drinks on the left and Mexican street food on the right.
NO STRAW THANKS, THIS IS CALIFORNIA
We were on the second reading of the menu. Our waiter popped over to say hello. I thought that was refreshing. He spoke in a soft tone and without conviction. I strained to hear his name. He asked if we were ready to order. We said we needed extra time to study the menu. We asked for two glasses of water, ice, no straws. As you know, plastic straws are illegal in these parts. Ice is next.
LUCKILY, I HAD MY SLIDE RULE
We were trying to figure out how the place prices their happy hour. Let me put it a different way. Our happy hour had no happy hour menu. Instead, we were doing math problems. It must be part of the celebration to calculate the menu prices ourselves. If only I paid attention during differential calculus.
THEY MUST NOT HAVE HEARD OF TACO TUESDAY BEFORE
According to our calculations, happy hour meant you could get the $6 taco for $4. Times two would be $12 minus the differential. Factor the water tax, the oxygen tax, and do not miss the California taco disposal fees. Add the $13 house Margarita for $9 or double it and make it $18 or drink three for an inspired $27. I noticed I did not have to round prices up which simplified things a bit. Boom! That’s the happy hour menu! That’s all there is to it. The results of your arithmetic are good from 3 pm to 6 pm. A happy hour formula that keeps comin’ at ya, yessiree Bob!
LET’S REVIEW
Order any taco at the happy hour base price of $4 kicked down from $6. Pay the upcharge if applicable. If you wanted one or two of the high brow street tacos, there would be an upcharge for sure. Anywhere from $1 to $4. Upcharges like this drive the lobster or filet of mignon street taco prices to the moon. I had to remember. We are talking about an authentic plate of street food. The real deal.
A LOBSTER TACO IS NOT MEXICAN STREET FOOD
It was time to order food. The waiter was standing there. The pressure was on. I had to break the silence. We ordered the Carnitas Taco and a Baja Fish Taco.
I didn’t want the waiter thinkin’ we drank frozen margaritas.
One of us at the table loves frozen Margaritas. I had to ask. The waiter rolled his eyes. He did not hesitate to pummel me with a Sir, the frozen margarita has never been on our menu. We can help you with a rocks margarita if you prefer. But of course! How silly of me to ask. I flashed back to his rolling eyes. I didn’t want the waiter thinkin’ we drank frozen margaritas.
Every Mexican restaurant on the planet serves the margarita frozen. If they do not at the moment, they did at least once in their past. Besides, the bartender was standing yonder with his manos en sus bolsillos. I thought I saw a blender behind the bar. No one can accuse me of not trying. Waiter pummeling stupid frozen margarita requests are free of charge.
THE TIP WAS SURE TO SKYROCKET
Asking for a little effort from the bartender never occurred to the waiter. You mean the waiter and bartender could not mind meld and put a little effort into it? I would have appreciated it. The tip was sure to skyrocket.
Nope. Looks like it is gonna be rocks.
I hafta win one here. Would stirred not shaken be too much to ask? I was praying he at least knew who 007 was. A bigger person moves on.
We asked about the happy hour menu. I looked at the online listings. I thought it said tacos were 2 for $5. Once again, the waiter clobbered me. No sir, we have never had tacos two for $5. (silly me again) Well, a year ago or something but not now. I did not say thanks for the second pummeling. I was nil for two. I was now second-guessing myself.
I remember the yelp listing with the girl that loved the FREE CHIPS and SALSA. I scoped the other tables. I did not see a single tortilla chip anywhere. There was NO WAY I was going to ask.
When you promise street food, serve STREET FOOD. Street food conjures an image of the street. You know, asphalt and a rickety old table with a sign. Dirt cheap and delicious. To wit, margaritas are not $17. Tacos do not MSRP at $72 a dozen.
Ferns, brass railings, waterfalls, filet mignon tacos fail on the street.
THESE TORTILLAS WERE ROYAL BLUE
Grape fruit juice or products related to grapes are suggested not to have. buy tadalafil in canada The proposal was crafted by the Large Urology Group Practice Association with the assistance of hypnotherapist san diego you can certainly get to avail the free prescription for levitra maximum benefits. A new poll finds that over 90% of Americans say sex education should be taught in High School. buying tadalafil online However, cialis 5mg tablets finding a simple solution is as easy as that. The two tacos we ate were extraordinary. Served on tortillas with a blue tint. Like hell blue tint, these tortillas were royal blue. No, no, wait! This tortilla was as blue as the azure sky. This tortilla was as blue as ocean waves breaking on a sandy beach. Ok, enough.
We ordered two tacos, and they arrived at the table on the same plate.
I noshed a moist and salty carnitas taco. A pulled pork bite featuring fresh crema and a slice of avocado. I gave it dos bravos. It worked for me. Ole!
The Baja Fish taco, or taco dos, was juicy and tender. Nice and crispy on the outside. Flavorful but with no punch. No distinct creamy, lemony, salty, cilantro Baja Fish flavor. I liked my bite. I gave it one bravo.
WE NEVER GOT CHIPS AND SALSA
We were now ready to finish off the unfrozen margarita and ask for the check. We enjoyed two tacos and a margarita, on Taco Tuesday during Happy Hour… $19.40 plus tip. Did I say we never got chips and salsa?
Let me ask you this. The chef, as an artist with a kitchen, could not come up with a crazy signature salsa and chip combo? Same with a frozen margarita? You could not make ONE margarita frozen for the lady? It’s not like we said strawberry or anything.
Have the chef stroll the tables armed with ladles of the secret recipe salsa. Pull out a crazy signature chip with specks of stuff only he can explain. How about a homemade sausage stuffed Anaheim? C’mon amigo, sell the sizzle. Maybe hand a guy a shrimp!
Bring the kitchen to the table. Introduce a morsel, let me taste it, tell us it is the greatest ever, and sell that it’s one of a kind. Move on and crush the next table. You get the idea. Sell the sizzle of the street, baby!
I WOULD PAY EXTRA FOR THAT
Proud of your 59 different bottles of tequila? Well, have the guy mosey on over to custom mix something for me. Pitch the $40 top-shelf shot. Now that would capture me. I would go for it. (the guy never showed)
This place was too fancy to be street. One more time, if you are pitching STREET, come with an attitude. Brass and ferns are not street. The rolling eyes waiter did not enhance my dining experience.
I also want to say the place was a tad overpriced. Why not do a real Tacos Tuesday. Serve tacos at $5 a pair from 6 pm-9 pm.
GET THE CHEF OUT OF THE KITCHEN
The problem is the customer. They say they live and die authentic yet somehow think lobster tacos are street food. For a restaurant, it is an opportunity to educate their asleep at the enchilada fan base.
Why not put on a show? Finesse it a little. Make eating Mexican Street Food an event. Get the chef out of the kitchen. The place would fill up.
We paid the check and left a tip. Thanked everyone in sight, then bee-lined to the Burger King on the corner to get something to eat.
We had coupons.
Donations to dp@large are greatly appreciated! Thank you for your generosity!
TALK TO dp@large: Ask questions — anonymously or by name — and share stories with us using the email dp@dpatlarge.com
Read dp on medium.com https://medium.com/@dpilarski
TWITTER with dp @dpatlarge